I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
