woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
