I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
