dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
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thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
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Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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