its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
