oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
