u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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