Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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