i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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