I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
