Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Randomize
