I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
