Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
