saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
