Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
you inspire me to be a worse person
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
