Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize