Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize
