Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
