tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
