Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize