when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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