Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
