ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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