fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
It's official drugs can't kill me
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
