On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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