help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
