I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
