Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
My ass is underappreciated
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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