we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Randomize
