I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
