omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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