I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
