The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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