I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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