why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
