i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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