I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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