i permit you to call me
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
