Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
