I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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