his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
