So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
