Don't you send me to vm
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize