You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
