Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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