I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
