he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
