a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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