I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Randomize
