drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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