Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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