There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
We need to feng shui this bitch.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
