i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
