Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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