So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
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All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
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