im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
i just google imaged poop.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
