Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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