woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
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What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
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Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
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