Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
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